Where would you open the next UChicago campus?

Imagine Mansuetto, John Crerar, Searle, both of the Pritzkers, and even Seoul Taco shrunk down to the subatomic level. Enter...

The Quantum Realm

Realistically, the ideas presented in this are currently impossible. This seems like the perfect opportunity for me to share my theories for the potential creation of a UChicago campus at the quantum scale.

The only way to access the quantum realm is by shrinking down tremendously. The following steps describe how to enter the quantum realm:

1. Wear an elastic suit that can morph to your body size. This will help you have clothes on when you shrink down.
2. Either use Dr. Strange’s Sling Ring or borrow the dad’s ray gun in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids to shrink down to the subatomic level. As you shrink into subatomic dimensions, you will slowly enter the realm.
3. In the realm, be sure to not stray into time vortexes that could push you into different time periods in the future or past. (Time vortexes look like mini-tornadoes in the realm. They don’t move too fast, so anyone can outrun them.)
4. Do not be frightened if you are surrounded by a fractal-like reality or stranded alone in a completely dark void. This is just the beginning of the transition into the realm.

The realm itself is infinite. No one knows where it starts or ends. Everything inside the realm depends not on time or space, but on probability. Calculations in quantum mechanics generally result in a probability distribution in which reality is only determined once a physical observation is made. That observation for humans would be opening their eyes. Everytime you close your eyes and then open them, you would experience a new reality based on your changing thoughts. This is similar to the probability of the cat dying in Schrodinger’s experiment. Only the student knows what they are experiencing when they make an observation by opening their eyes just as someone only knows if the cat is dead or not when he or she observes the cat inside the box. For example, if you close your eyes in the realm and think about Mansuetto, there is an unknown probability that you would be standing inside Mansuetto when you open your eyes. If you close your eyes and imagine the entire Seoul Taco buffet, there is also another unknown probability where you would be presented with unlimited Seoul Taco when you open your eyes. Laws of regular classical mechanics are dissipated in a cloud of probability within the realm.

Students could experience a myriad number of out-of-world class experiences. They could take courses on the art of quantum phasing to learn how to pass through solid objects. They could take classes on quantum tunneling to visualize particles rolling through a hill instead of rolling over a hill. The realm would also allow UChicago students to experience any type of cultural event - from travelling to the Himalayas to eating delicious pan-Asain tacos - whenever they feel like using the method of opening and closing their eyes.

For social experiences, the quantum realm provides an opportunity for those looking to seek (literally) life-lasting relationships through quantum entanglement. In theory, quantum entanglement occurs when pairs or groups of particles bump into each other and form an unbreakable bond causing correlations in properties for the entire system of particles. In a similar sense, when two students bump into one another in the realm, they will be emotionally connected for the rest of their life. If one student is happy, then the other is also happy and if one student is angry, the other will also be angry. Just make sure you don’t bump into anyone that you may not want to be entangled with!

The realm is a hidden world within a world; it’s almost like the Matrix! You’ll never know what’s real and what’s not. Everything depends on chance (or luck), but the experience is well worth your time. On one hand, Einstein is quivering with the possibility of uncertainty, and on the other, Max Born is smirking at everyone who doubted him on the possibility of the realm. There is still so much we don’t know about quantum reality. Our only chance of knowing is travelling to it. But after you have gone, you’ll be asking yourself if real is even real anymore.